Friday, December 31, 2010

A 'baby' that almost didn't happen...

How can one not wrap up a year like this...
even though it's been hard...
with gratefulness...
when one has been blessed
with little ones like this in our lives?

This is my youngest grandson.
This is the one I fought for...
on my knees...
day in and day out.
And cried...
and begged the Lord...
and cried some more...
asking Him to help my daughter make the
right decision.

This is how it all went down...

I was at home with my daughter in law...
in my sewing room...
working away on the 'house' quilt...
when I got a frantic call from my daughter 
telling me I had to immediately come to the shoppe.

And I said,
"Yeah...right Ash! I know you don't want to work...
what is it now?"

"Mom I have to go to the doctor!"

"Are you dying" said I.

"Mom...believe me...will you just come down here?"

So I get in the car...
head down there...
wondering what could be soooooo

My other daughter Brooke is sitting on the brick porch...
Enraged I say...
"Brooke...put that cigarette out!"
Ashley says...

"Mom I'm pregnant!"

Followed by,
"Mom I am not ready to have a kid. I'm just a kid 

The Mom...
"Well, you thought you were old enough
to play grown up games...
so you are old enough to deal with the

For days...
we went round and round.
At the bookstore,
I got a book out on pregnancy
and showed her that
IT is a BABY!

Long story short....
she and her boyfriend got married....
and the little darling "Heston" made it here.
I have never seen two people so in love
as these two.
They both are just nuts over this little one.

And oh how 'little one' has blessed our lives.

So this brings me to New Year's Eve.

We all have choices.
We all have consequences from choices.

2010 has been one of the hardest of my life.
So I am really thankful for the little blessings 
along the way.

In January,
I made the difficult decision...
to get off all the pain med's
my doctors had me on.

They had me on what cancer patients who are dying
in Hospice were on.
No kidding!
100mg Fentanly Patches
and 8 percocet a day.

I walked into my doc's office,
and told him,
"I want you to decrease my medicine
every month until I am off it all.
Do you think I can do it?"
The doc...
"I've never had this request before,
but yes I think you can."

My friends....
it took me 6 long months...
of pure hell!

Raising 4 kids on my own 
for 7 years was like Disneyland 
compared to that!

But joy be...
I did it.
And only with the help of the Lord.
Because let me tell you...
a lot of prayers were uttered!

If any of you out there are in this same
I implore you to study what narcotics do to you...
how they leave you with a broken brain...
They CREATE pain...believe it or not! 

And then have the courage whatever it takes
to eliminate them from your life!

Now... the the way I see it..
2011 has got to be a better year!
I am back to the old me.
Yes, I still have 2 torn discs in my back...
and yes I am bone on bone at another
place in my back....
but I am 'Me' with all my pain,
and imperfections.
Just struggling through.
Trying to see the blessing in each and
every moment God gives me.

My hope is to have a 
'God' filled year...
a 'giving' year...
and a 'blessing to others' year.

Happy New Year to all of you!

My heart...


  1. Thank you so much for sharing. It was what I needed when I need it.

    Much Love to You!!

  2. Praise God for His mercy and blessings upon you and your family.

    Praise God for LIFE!!

  3. Yes it seems to have been a very difficult year for you. After everything, it also seems to be a blessed one, maybe a little in disguise. You are doing a wonderful job in persevering! I wish you a ver Happy New Year, John'aLee! Only the best wishes in the coming year!

  4. What a touching post. Congratulations on all fronts! May you see many blessings in 2011.

  5. What a blessing your little grandbaby must be! I am glad she made the decision to keep him.
    What a wonderful decision you made. Bless you in the New Year!

  6. Wow John'aLee what a transparent post. You have been walking through a fire and the Lord has walked with you. Wishing you a blessed New Year!

  7. John' I love your heart....thank you for being so willing to share it. My prayer for you this New Year's Eve is that the year ahead will be filled with blessing, as you walk ever closer to the Lord. Ashley, you're a brave mama, and your boy is incredibly beautiful!

  8. You are a true inspiration!!
    Wishing you a truly wonderful Happy New Year and many more blessings to come!

  9. What a year, but you got a wonderful lil grandbaby, and your life back as well. Congrats on both. May 2011 bring much more joy and happiness to you and your family.

  10. Many blessings for you for 2011... May God continually bless you, use you and a show His amazing love towards you. Thanks for sharing!
    And your Little Boy is beautiful.
    Hugs Dawn x x x

  11. Happy New Year to you! It sounds like 2010 was a challenging time but that your happiness increased. I hope it will continue to do so in 2011. :)

  12. What a beautiful post. And that baby...delightful. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  13. I am so glad you commented on my post today, because it lead me to your post. I have been so bad about blogging and I am sorry I missed this one. What an inspiration you are to me. What a blessing that little one is to you and your daughter. What an example of courage and strength. I hope your year is wonderful, you deserve it.

  14. I love your optimism in the face of such adversity. Congratulations on the little one - I'm glad it turned out well. Very well done on getting off the medication - I've heard that it's one of the most difficult things to do.
    Best wishes and blessings for 2011!!
    Teresa x

  15. God must have led me to your post. I used to follow you (had you as a "Favorite"), but then my laptop went belly-up and was out of commission for about six months. So I didn't read your post updates. Just got the laptop back and came out here to visit some old friends.

    My Mom has been on Duragesic/Fentanyl patches since 2001. She was told she would have a shorter life, but better quality of life if she went on the patches. But she has been pretty much virtually bedridden since going on them. My dad took care of her for a few years, and then he passed away in 2008. She has a miserable life and doesn't want to go to a nursing home, but both my brother and I live a couple of hours away and try to get home every other weekend to take care of her. She has been a a gazillion medications since 2001, and has finally come off almost all of them with the exception of the Fentanyl patches and some anti-depressants. I wish you lived near hear, so you could share your story with her. Her life is pure hell. She does nothing but lie in bed all day long. And periodically she goes through spells where she throws up for hours at a time. The acid is destroying her teeth from that. Did you also throw up? Thank you so much for sharing this story about your medical problem. I needed to hear it. And will share it with my mother, but I'm sure she won't come off the Fentanyl. dmj53(at)hotmail(dot)com

  16. May God bless you for sharing your heart! I will keep you in my prayers because I know what back pain is. I had surgery in May 2008 to fuse L5 to S1 and thankfully it was a success. I still have some days where all I can do is rest, but overall I'm better. Is surgery an option for you?

  17. Well, your hopes are going to be fulfilled, as you have already started blessing others this year. Thank you so much for sharing your trials from this year with me. You have truly blessed my heart here and now, to see God's work in your life.
    Praise the LORD......blessings are prayed for your family this year and always ! I especially pray that the young couple will trust their love for each other into the hands of our loving God, and bring that love into their little nest with that baby growing in an environment of trust and God's strength !

  18. Wow! Thank you for sharing! The part of your post that really grabbed my attention is that you've raised 4 as a single too. I decided early on that God is their Daddy and I leaned on him a lot, couldn't have survived it without Him.
    I've also taught them that there are consequences to the choices that they make....sometimes big ones, sometimes positive like working hard in school = good marks but sometimes not so good.
    What a wonderful blessing your little grandson must be. And may your health continue to improve!